Can\'t Understand this.

After a very acrimonious divorce I decided that it would be better for my daughter if I arranged for her to begin contact with her father and have set up a short meeting this weekend. She is v reluctant to go and there has been lots of tears. She hasn't seen him for nearly 3 yrs.(She is 10.)
He is living with his new partner and her 11 yr old daughter. (Both formerly known by myself and daughter.)
I thought I was doing the right thing in setting up contact as a mutual acquaintance had spoken to my ex and said he was missing her.
This morning I found out that when this acquaintance saw him, he was out with her daughter, looking in toyshops etc.
I am boiling mad and v upset.I know I'm too close to the situation to think rationally- truth is he has made v little effort to maintain contact and I'm now wondering why I'm bothering upsetting my daughter by insisting she sees him, when he's so obviously replaced her with another child!
I'm tempted to just drop the whole thing.

Your daughter is irreplaceable by any other child. Your daughter is his child, his partners daughter is not full stop!

You are doing exactly the right thing as regards your daughter.

But if she's so irreplacable- how come he's made so lttle effort to see her?

Shock horror in the run up to Christmas parent and partner look in toy shop.
Witholding contact would serve what purpose now it has been established.

But that's just it. Contact hasn't been established.This will be the 1st time he has seen her for nearly 3 years. He hasn't tried to see her and the meeting up is due to me!
I think you miss the point- actually I think its extremely hurtful that he takes his new partner's child out and doesn't bother with his own daughter.
There's a lot of back history to this situation, which I won't bore you with- I just wonder if I'm setting up my daughter for further hurt.

Your ex suffers from guilt. I think he probably thought that if he didnt pay child maintenance or see your daughter he could forget the past.

Unfortunately for him, the past is always there and in the middle of the night when he is truly alone with his thoughts, your daughter (and the rest of his family) that he treat so abominably will come back to haunt him.

Your daughter has a right to her father. If he lets her down, she needs to see that. However, you never know this may be a turning point. He may knuckle down and be the dad she deserves.

Ok. Sent an email to ex(Thurs) giving my mobile no(again)in case of delays meeting up with our daughter tomorrow.Asked for his number.No reply.

He really is determined to make this difficult!
How are we supposed to act like proper grown up people if he persists in this stupid game of secrecy? What does he expect me to do? Bombard him with text messages?
(In his dreams!)
I could be really a*** and refuse to let her go as he hasn't provided a contact number....
but..... I just texted older daughter and got his number from her.
Job done.
Looks like being a long haul..sigh.