Holidays abroad

Can anyone advise me on how to cope with my ex taking our child on a holiday abroad? We are going to through the divorce and it is not amicable! I don't want to stop them from going abroad but am naturally worried as there has been so much hostility and nastiness recently. How have others coped and are there anything I should/could do to help convince myself I will actually get my child back!

NB: I think they are intending on staying within Europe.

Thanks in advance

Take a very deep breath, remind yourself that it is you and your husband divorcing and not your son and his dad, and then ask yourself honestly if you really have any fears about not getting your son back, or if you just don't want your son to go because you will miss him/you want to hurt your ex.

It's hard, and a lot of us have been through that first holiday with the ex, but you have to remind yourself of what a wonderful time your son will have on holiday with his dad. I missed my sons terribly when their dad took them away but they had such a fantastic time! I could never have denied them that happy experience.

And in years to come, if you can put your son ahead of your own feelings towards your ex, you will discover that you have raised a very well adjusted young man

I've just got back from holiday With STBX and it was painful. However I am glad I went for the children, they still expected us to go as a family, but they understand now why we are separating.
The only advice I would give you to give you peice of mind is take a copy of an child's passport for your reference and politely ask for details of the accomodation. If you are really brave, admit that you will miss your child and could they arrange to call you when conveinent so you can talk to your child.
It still worries me that one day very soon my STBX could ask to take our 2 away without me. Don't forget to talk to your child about the trip before without stressing them. You could even as for a postcard if for more than a few days.
Be strong and keep youself busy while your child is away, then the time will fly by and things back to normal.
Supercali xx

In same boat - very nasty husband before and during divorce my d/n next Tuesday. I've spoken with my Solicitor about this as I don't want my ex taking our child on hols this year and and I'm afraid I've put my foot down, if he wants to take him I go too - sep rooms etc thats the only way to settle my mind - my solicitor agrees so nothing my ex can do. I think either you go too or don't let your child go but remain open minded to the future and don't be seen as stamping foot down forever - just in this period of unsettlement. If your ex gets shirty - so what your his Mother and thats the priorty. x

lipstick1 wrote:
If your ex gets shirty - so what your his Mother and thats the priorty. x

Actually the priority is for the child to be allowed to continue a well balanced and positive relationship with BOTH parents. The PWC DOES NOT own the child and DOES NOT come first - the child does!

Hate to tell you lipstick but if your ex applies for set contact through court with his child he will also be able to ask for time to take your child on holiday...and you saying that you are the child's mother and your ex was nasty to you during your marriage/divorce will not be enough to deter a judge. Your solicitor is bound to agree with whatever you say - you pay him/her! I'm not saying this to upset you, just to point out what could happen.

I am the mother of two wonderful boys. My ex husband cheated on me throughout our marriage, was verbally abusive towards me and on occasion even shoved and pushed me around. During our divorce my ex practically brought me to my knees. He fought me every step of the way, declared himself bankrupt, and nearly caused the house to be repossessed. He was VERY nasty. But I have NEVER denied contact, refused visits or treated my sons as though they are mine to control. I don't have the right to. I understand that in some cases the NRP really can't be trusted with their children, but a lot of the time the PWC sadly behaves as though the children are theirs to control and use as a tool to wield over the NRP (although I'm not saying that this is necessarily the case here).

Bugsy, I applaud you for coming here and seeking reassurance that you and your child will be okay if they go on holiday without you. Unless you have serious concerns about your ex's ability as a parent then your little one will no doubt have a brilliant time spending time with and being spoilt by their daddy. I thought my heart would break when I waved my children off on their first holiday with their dad - but listening to their excited chatter during their phone calls home reassured me that I did the right thing - I put their happiness above my selfishness. And I would much rather that my children had a father who wanted to take them on holiday (as much as I missed them when they were away) than a father who was happy to disappear into the sunset and never see them again.

Bugsy - as hard as it will be to be apart from your son, be glad that his dad is taking him on holiday.

The thing I found hardest over the last year was my ex taking all his holiday with new girlfriend and none with our son. Thankfully this year is going to be different.

I am afraid i can't accept that the mother or in fact whoever is the PWC has a priority over the child, the child is not a commodity and needs the love of both parents.
It is hard but unless the ex is a slavering monster you should try and put your differences aside and let them go on holiday together.

Chris.