unreasonable contact order

I was forced to stop my ex partner having contact with our son due to his continued harassment of me (mainly verbal but some physical) and his total lack of respect for any type of fixed contact arrangements.

He took me to court (as I had hoped) as all I wanted was a judge to tell him he had to stick to a rota instead of deciding when (or not) he saw our son.

Unfortunately, much to my amazement and dismay the judge ordered that I must meet my ex partner at a location about 25 miles from my house.

Can they force me to do this, at my expense?

Yes, its not unusual for a court to order both parents to share the travel.

Thanks for reply. Seems very unfair as I only get small sporadic maintenance payments and he's £1500 in arrears. What if I can't afford the 50 mile round trip ? All my wages go on bills and nursery costs which doesn't leave much else. I know money and contact are separate but it seems totally unreasonable.

Hi, firstly the courts do not like PWC's stopping contact, especially for a different reason than the childs welfare.
You have only given a little info, but you should have separated the harassment of yourself, I know its difficult, but maybe hand overs etc could have been different maybe?
Only use text, you can ignore them, the physical abuse is a no no, dont put yourself in the situation of being around him, was your son present?
That was not good, especially if he was.
It was unfair of the father not to stick to any arrangements and I can imagine that is difficult.
There must have been a reason for the drop off point to be moved, did he have that as a sacrificial reason? Also if he is harassing you at pick up times you should get to do it at a place with cctv like a petrol station of supermarket car park?
Hope you can sort things out.
If the court ordered your pick up point that is it, you can apply for a variation though.

If you want to change a contact order you need to apply to the court for a variation; if there are welfare concerns apply for an emergency ex parte hearing. The courts obviously don't like people unilaterally breaching orders (I'm assuming there was an order?).

Your ex will now play the system and present you as someone who obstructs contact.

Contact is the child's right and not the parent's, so it is fair that both parents should contribute to the cost. Although it is infuriating when parents don't pay child support, preventing contact punishes the child, which is one reason the two are kept separate.

Handovers are often a source of conflict; is there any way you can arrange handovers neutrally without having to meet? E.g. he collects from the nursery or you use an intermediary such as a grandparent?

I have tried every option open to me regards handovers but my only family are my sister and my partner. My ex refuses to go anywhere near my partner and he has harassed my sister. I tried getting him to pick him up from nursery but he was always late. I have no issues with his contact with our son. The verbal, mental and physical abuse of me is what I can not take after 2 years it has made me ill. As I am the main carer and provider for my son it is not in his best interests to see his mother ill,sad, depressed, crying etc. that is why I stopped contact. I have tried everything for my son to see his father as I know it is good for him but my ex just throws everything back in my face, he bullies me, has assaulted me, emailed my work to cause trouble - the list goes on cos he is a control freak. All I ever wanted was for him to see our son and leave me alone. I have spent hours making statements to the police but because he lives in a different police area nothing has been done because both forces say the other one is responsible. He has been warned under the harassment act not to contact me but I get abusive texts and letters (I've blocked his emails).

It just seems so unfair

Thanks for the comments I know not all men are like my ex and some woman do block contact for their own ends - I am not like that and just want him to leave me alone. I've spent a week in hospital due to stress - how can that be good for my child ???

I hope there are some people here who can give you much better advice than I can on how to deal with this, UM. Best wishes.