THE STORY SO FAR

Hi all,

i thought i would post on here my story so far and would like to hear from anyone who was or is in a similiar situation to me as i really don't know which way to turn at the moment.

myself and my ex split up in june 2003 after 4 years together when our daughter was only 10 months old. she soon moved on with her life as did i with mine and i know it is never the ideal situation but my little girl never really knew any different with regards to her mother and father not being together. our daughter has also only ever known myself and her mother to have one other partner to whom we are both married to now. i had a very good, loving relationship with X (my daughter as i shall refer to her) until her mothers husband to be moved into our old home and then bought me out. this was in 2007. ever since the moment i transfered the mortgage to them i have known nothing but obstacles and dictation from them with regards to when i can and can't have contact with X. this has resulted in 3 major arguments taking place in front of my daughter which i am neither proud or in the least bit happy about. i feel as if i let my daughter down by acting in an awful manner and i'm deeply upset by how i retaliated to extreme provocation. however, i did an awful lot of apologising and continued to have a good relationship with X for a year after the last argument involving her mother and stepfather. unfortunately this didn't stop them from trying to reduce contact to only 2 days a month and on that basis i applied for a contact order to the courts and awaited some form of reply. this was met by some truly horrendous alleagtions of domestic violence. pretty much a year to the day since i applied for a contact order we went before a judge on a finding of fact hearing which has now been further delayed because the judge wants written submissions. hopefully i will know his finding in roughly 2 weeks and hopefully the judge will be able to see through such lies and mud slinging. you see, out of 31 alleagations against me 20 were dropped over the course of the fact finding hearing due to conflicting statements and witness accounts on their side. i was pretty much lamblasted by the judge for the way i had acted (i had 3 arguments with X's mother and stepdad were i shouted and swore in front of my daugther or in the vicinity she was in but i admitted to these in my statement) and i held my head in shame and admitted my wrongdoing as i geniunely hate myself for my actions but then i had to listen to viscious lies regarding assaulting X, her mother and SD. 2 of which were very serious in nature but again dropped in the course of the hearing because they got their stories wrong. i now have to go through the rigmorale of seeing CAFCASS and a pshcyologist with my daughter i haven't seen for well over a year now. it's clear that her mother and stepdad don't want me in X's life as it breaks up there own little family when i come to take X away for the day or weekend. children are very intelligent and consiously or sub consiously she would have heard her mother run me down with her mouth and without seeing me for over a year she will be coming to the same conclusion of me that her mother has. this isn't fair at all.

i know everyone's case is unique to them but i just need to know if anyone else has gone through the hurt and pain that myself and my family are going through. this is not because i will feel any better that there are people out there just as unfortunate as i am but because i feel i need some kind of support in all of this and even better that someone has a happy ending to their story.

i have a torturerous few weeks waiting on this final judgement but i also know it's not the end of this sorry affair but know i can't give up because it would not be fair on my daughter and this is the only reason i am doing this. for her. her brother and sister miss her terribly as well. i just don't undertsand who my ex thinks will be the winner out of all this?? it sure won't be our little girl!

sorry to have rambled on.

Z

Hi Z, you are absolutely normal and this sort of scenario is very, very common; there is nothing unusal about it at all. My own story was very similar (new husband trying to replace me as a father and loads of false allegations). Unfortunately my story didn't end happily, but plenty do. All you can do is keep plugging away and making the applications; it can take years but eventually you hope your daughter will vote with her feet. Sorry I can't say anything more positive, it's a shitty situation and no one can make it much better for you, but there will be plenty of fathers here and elsewhere who know or have known exactly what you are going through. Stay strong.

Hi Z,
Many here know my story so I won't recount it again in full so I'll quickly run through some of it if only to try to help raise your spirits and hopes.

My ex made some horrendous false allegations about me to justify her stopping of contact.
I had to do parenting courses, be assessed by DV counsellors, even admit to DV that I didn't commit.
Eventually the assessments and investigations found that I had never committed DV and posed no risk whatsoever.

Her mother even tried to bribe her with gifts to lie about me but thankfully she told her teacher who called Social services in.

Her mother bad mouthed me in front of and to her in the worst possible way she could.
But you know what?, it didn't work.
I didn't see my daughter for over a year but when I did eventuall see her she ran to me, jumped straight into my arms and wrapped her little arms round her old dad.

You see I had previously formed such a great and loving bond with my daughter and it was stronger that anything her hateful mother could put into her little head.
She knew her daddy was good and loved her a lot no matter what her mum said, she'd even say that now if asked.

I think that it may be the same for you and your daughter.
I'm certain she loves her dad and things will be fine as soon as this whole sorry mess is over, and it looks like that will be quite soon.
I wish you the very best.

Tom.

i'm sorry to hear it didnt end well for you Forseti. i'm just at odds as to why people can use children as weapons. very frustrating. i'm now pining myhopes on the CAFCASS officer and pschyologist to be able to do their jobs and see that my daughter has suffered considerable emotional harm with regarss to what her mother has told her and has said to her.

thanks for replying to my post. really appreciated

thanks Tom.

i so hope she runs into my arms too and i dream about that happening everyday. im glad that you've had the results you wanted but equally sorry you had to go through the pain of achieving them.

just want to see that cheeky smile she has again. fingers crossed i will.

final judgement came through....... to summerize i was facing 35 allegations that my ex partner put fwd to the courts. all ranging from different degrees of seriousness including 2 assaults on my daughter, 2 assaults on my ex partner, 2 assaults on her husband, an assault on her mother......the list goes on. anyway, the judge found on the probabilty of these events happening were in the favour of my ex on just 3 occasions! these were swearing at my ex in arguments (which i never denied) and 2 assaults on her husband (which i didn't deny but the judge found that i used excassive violence towards him than i stated). he said that he didn't beleieve any of the other allegations took place and was scathing on my ex partners character saying that she most definately wasn't the passive, innocent victim in this whole situation but a lying, decietful person.

BUT after this judgement i still have to see a pschylogist and go through the whole cafcass situation. i still haven't seen my daughter and it could be months before i do. when will this all end? i've spent an obscene amount of money defending myself from these awful allegations and yet i'm still not allowed to see the little girl i love and cherish.

i have faith in the pschyologist and cafcass reports as i have nothing to hide. hopefully i'm not too far from the end of this whle sorry charade.

Z