What would YOU change if you could?

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Constanza wrote:

its a problem that people dont generally seem to realise how division of assets works at divorce,-especially regarding one party owning the FMH- and how benaviour/ conduct is irrelevant to that dvision.

Thanks Constanza. So if I put in something along the lines that the initial letter should explain section 25 simply to clients, would that be sufficient?

Oh my yes, well said Constanza, The amount of times I wanted to smack my stbx around the head with section 25.... He was the one that wanted the divorce but didn't take the time to understand.
My solicitor and I had to explain in very basic terms to him and his solicitor the concept and meaning of section 25. It would have been very handy for him to understand what would have been considered should the matter have gone to court.

someway of making solicitor's fees transparent and then making solicitor's accountable for their fees....I know it's a difficult question saying 'how much is the divorce going to cost me' and can depend on so many factors, but even having a solicitor admit 'it can depend on how difficult you want to be and how difficult your stbx is going to be' can help people focus and realise the seriousness, at least financially, of what is about to happen.

Getting solicitors to explain the WHOLE process, up front, would also help. I had no idea of what might happen between a decree nisi and absolute and not one of the solicitors I saw (and I saw a fair few in making a decision) explained about how children and finances are separate and again, how the behaviour of both parties can push the cost up.

Getting solicitors to develop relationships with their wider divorce-support community could also help - having a list of counsellors, address of local Relate, web resources (wiki!) that kind of thing, can help people who are unsure of where things are going for them. Often we seem to consult solicitors first before doing anything else and his sends us down the divorce path when perhaps things might have been helped with a push in the right direction - might be wishful thinking, but I would like to think my solicitor could point me in the right direction if I broke down and said 'I feel so lonely, who can help me?'.

I agree with Mummybear that the Statement of Arrangements for children seems meaningless in reality. A jointly agreed parenting plan that is legally binding (probably arrived at through mediation) would hopefully make parents look at their responsibilities seriously and work together for the benefit of their children's futures.

I think attendance at mediation should be compulsory save for the mitigated circumstances rather than voluntary. It seems to me that more emphasis on legislation is applied to the financial aspects of divorce than for the care and conduct of future split parenting. As for parenting plans yes I am referring to existing ones but again feel they should indeed be binding with "warnings" applied. Possibly updated and/or reviewed 12 monthly.

In my own particular case much talk was made by my ex as to co-parenting, goodwill, flexibility, childrens' best interests etc but in reality it was and still is my goodwill, my flexibility that is demanded and my ex continues to act like a spoilt brat in all things children just to have a go at me and my daring to get on with my life following his departure from it. He had the right to divorce and I was left with the responsibility, financial loss and continued expectation that I should drop everything at a moment's notice to ensure his "contact" with the children.

Mumtoboys wrote:

someway of making solicitor's fees transparent and then making solicitor's accountable for their fees....I know it's a difficult question saying 'how much is the divorce going to cost me' and can depend on so many factors, but even having a solicitor admit 'it can depend on how difficult you want to be and how difficult your stbx is going to be' can help people focus and realise the seriousness, at least financially, of what is about to happen.

So, if for legal partners we put in that they are to be frank at the outset about what causes costs to rise that would help? And if we requested say monthly costs updates and proper breakdowns?


Getting solicitors to explain the WHOLE process, up front, would also help. I had no idea of what might happen between a decree nisi and absolute and not one of the solicitors I saw (and I saw a fair few in making a decision) explained about how children and finances are separate and again, how the behaviour of both parties can push the cost up.

So basically, them giving you a few pages of stuff to read at your leisure (which is cheaper then them explaining face to face) outlining divorce, children and money would assist?

Getting solicitors to develop relationships with their wider divorce-support community could also help - having a list of counsellors, address of local Relate, web resources (wiki!) that kind of thing, can help people who are unsure of where things are going for them. Often we seem to consult solicitors first before doing anything else and his sends us down the divorce path when perhaps things might have been helped with a push in the right direction - might be wishful thinking, but I would like to think my solicitor could point me in the right direction if I broke down and said 'I feel so lonely, who can help me?'.

OK - so asking them to put together an information pack of relevant local and online resources?

Deedum wrote:

I agree with Mummybear that the Statement of Arrangements for children seems meaningless in reality. A jointly agreed parenting plan that is legally binding (probably arrived at through mediation) would hopefully make parents look at their responsibilities seriously and work together for the benefit of their children's futures.

Ok, this is just about me drafting a code of conduct for partners, so I can put in there that mediation and completion of the parenting plan is to be strongly encouraged. However, one day in the not so distant future we will be campaigning for legal change too, so we can ask for that to become law then.