Re:A good book for my 5 year old?

It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce

bought this for my daughter when she was 6 - she is now 8. she seems relatively settled noe. i did consider counselling but swallowed my pride and have alwaysd told her that daddy loves her and that she only has 1 daddy.

Unfortunaltely her daddy chooses not to see or make contact with her more than twice a year! Always promising to contact her soon once he has. And when she has seen him she is upset and says she misses him etc - but not to me.

I am lucky I have made very good friends with my daughters best friend at school who does tell her Mum what Abi is saying - so I hear. I am also lucky in that I have a new partner who reiterates that Abi has one Daddy andthat eh does love her. In the initial stages this role was taken by her teacher and by my babysitter.

2 years on abi is able to say that she thinks my friend was only friends with me to take Daddy. - An interesting view for an 8 year old. She knows Daddy loves her and that he might ring her but not to rely on it but to treat it as a treat/bonus if he does.

All I can say and it has been hard is keep saying the other party love s them, it is not their fault, that adults dont always understand little people and ensure there aretrusted others that they can speak to but still put the positive spin on the childs life.

It is not easy andthere will be times you want to say the exact opposite - hence find someone your child trusts and let them reaffirm anything your child says.

If your child is unappy and misses yor x then you need someone who can say - yes I know you do. IMHO children need to hear that wht they feel is right.

Good luck x

Newlife,
I can't tell you in the strongest possible words that the only thing you need to do is tell your child you love her that it is not her fault and that her dad loves her very much and is a good dad. Anything else, even if true, could cause her emotional problems for life. If ex can't do the same then it makes it harder for you.

Children do not want to hear bad things about their parents, even if true. The one who says the bad things is more than likely to end up being rejected. To put it as simply as possible, unlike adults, children shoot the messenger.

Hi Newlife,
I hesitated slightly before putting up this suggestion as previously I have had other folks who didn't like the sound of this book, however I think it might possibly the sort of thing you are looking for:
'Goodbye Daddy' by Bridgitte Weininger

I got it for my 3.5 year old, and whilst he likes it at the moment I think that it would probably benefit a slightly older child.

Please do not be put off by the title! It is about a bear who misses his daddy and is helped to understand why he only sees daddy sometimes. Most importantly, the bear helps to validate the feelings some young children feel e.g. angry with one or both parents because they just can't express themselves.

Also, if you look it up on AMazon they give a few other suggestions of similar books.

Finally, 5 is awful young for counselling. Give your daughter time to adjust and work thru her emotions. You can always discuss any behaviour problems with her school and get advice from them. I dare say they have had alot of experience in supporting children whose parents are divorcing.

Jacsmum x

Jaqueline Wilson is brilliant.
Fiction but extremely realistic. I still buy her books for myself. Daughter is 19 now.
The characters in her books are often dealing with the break up of their parents relationship amongst other issues she covers.
Good Luck, Fade x