what book helped you??

Hi all,

Lots of peeps have posted information about various books that have helped them through their darkest hours ...
It would be good to put a list together and for you each to tell us why they helped you - like a personal mini review.

If any peeps have recommendations perhaps they would post them here .. and then eventually we can have a separate page for each book that peeps can add to as they read them .

Please give us the title, author and a short summery of what the book is about .. and then tell us why it was good for you.

Thank you

Hadenoughnow

Hadenoughnow,
I have read quite a few books on the subject and here are a few that have helped me. Book club would be good idea so I am willing to donate first two books listed below for wiki peeps to share (keeping the other one for my kids)

I love you, but I am not in love with you. Andrew G Marshall A self help book that was recommended to me when I was just wondering what else I could do to mend my marriage. Lots of exercises to try and I found the book gave me reassurance that my feelings were real and I had to take action. The book is most use if you are still in the relationship and both want to save it.

The Honeymoon is over – Andrea Chapin
This book is a series of short stories written by women for women who are considering divorce. ­base­d on real life situations of struggles in relationships. The interesting thing was not just believing the relationship was beyond saving but why women could revive their relationships and stay. It explored the reasons why some women leave and some stay. May not change anyone’s mind but adds knowledge and understanding that you are not the only one.

Men are from Mars and Women from Venus, John Gray
Is a must for everyone. It confirms what everyone already knows already - men and women may as well be from different planets when it comes to communication especially in long term relationships. The book explains the mistakes we all make, but more importantly how to communicate effectively with those aliens.

Mine was "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" - it is designed to help you decide if your relationship is one you would be happy saving or one you would be happier leaving.

A more recent one is "Total Forgiveness", to argue for forgiving the person who hurt you, and my most recent "Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them," for breaking the cycle of physical and emotional abuse (like AA, it relies on the perpetrator to recognise the problem and to own it.

[b]harrietbaby wrote:
Hadenoughnow,
more importantly how to communicate effectively with those aliens.
I have always wondered what the best way to do this. I didnt see any of the methods I use in the book however. I have tried flashing lights, big flags that say "beam me up I wana get off this stoopid rock and get out of the rat race" but nothing works. All I get is looks from the women down the stupermarket. Seriously it is a good book and explains caves perfectly. C

Jay Carter's book 'Nasty People and how to stay away from them' came a bit too late for me because (1) I ended up marrying the nasty person (2) difficult to stay away from them when under same roof. But priniciples are good, and it's a very simple read and not taxing on the brain.

However I need a book that ''talks'' to me and relevent to living under same roof when 13 months into divorce when led seperate lives, and shared seperate bedrooms for 12 years of a 15 yr marriage.

I want a book with all of that and delay tactics and lies by Respondent, shifting huge sums of money into his sole name, taking out personal bank loans in his sole name, one just before the Decree Nisi, and him claiming on his Form E it was a ''Marital Loan'' etc etc and asking court to order me to pay half his sole name loans I knew nothing about!

If that tailor made book isn't on the shelf for those of us trapped in a living nightmare with all its symptoms, stress, stress, who am I? Then we need to write one ourselves.

Biggest cause of divorce? ''marriage''

What say ye all? Because there's divorce and DIVORCE

After 9 months of him not disclosing finances I had to go to court. His solicitor wrote and said I was pursuing the case ''Agressively' - can you believe that?

Then I found he'd shifted 70k from a joint account I didn't know about, and he'd hidden statements of, into his sole name accounts. The account went from NIL balance, to 70k, and in 6 months the money I never knew about was gone.

I need a good book that covers all issues that I'm experiencing so not to feel isolated, and a friend who understands - where to get one or both is the question!

The books on divorce I've read are a bit like recipes, in other words,''A things to do list'', but never feature what to do when the otherside don't participate, lie, delay, won't move out, solicitors who are crap, where to get info for free, and join a support club for free, mine is a pay job, like I haven't been ripped off enough?? ''Free Stuff Divorce for those entitled and NOT entitled to Legal Aid'' - can someone please write that book??!!

Anyone else wanting to write their own testomony about their hellish divorce and the unbelievable stuff that can happen and no one seems to give a sh*t? It's just letters backwards and forwards, court hearings - freedom where are you?? 13 months since I filed - how much longer? Really drained.

Jolly Lass

he can only keep stalling for so long the court process is just that a process.takes a long while unless both parties are cooperating ,however,there will be an end to the nightmare.you just ave to keep chipping away at it.2 years 3 months for me as ex2b has done everything possible to delay in order to ensure the house gets reposessed.hanging in there by the skin of the teeth.you will get there keep telling yourself the nightmare will end.keep your dignity.

professor vankin malignant malignant self love-the book is really expensive but he and his stuff can be found by doing a search under his name.it is quite specific in that it deals with the mind of a narcissist.I found it invaluable as it shone a torch for me and allowed me to see why the person that i loved with all my heart treat me the way that he had done for so many years.I saw for the first time that maybe just maybe it was not my fault what had happened and also the way i was left feeling was as a dircet result of living with someone who lived their lives employing narcissistic strategies,tactics and mind games.It gave me answers,and for the first time ever i understood why when i asked my husband on our wedding day if he would love me for ever he replied' i don't know,who knows what will happen in a few years'

ON a more general book level the relate set of books are bang on.