Hi
all abuse be it male female parent child friend - what ever - I
think at the base it all involves verbal/emotional abuse at the
route.
Patricia Evans has written a couple of
books that I found really useful, I am
quoting her below about the symptoms of abuse - and I know all of us who
ave been in an abusive relationship will recoginse these behaviours.
I would recommend this book highly
JR
"In
order to help you recognize abuse, remember that all forms of verbal abuse
are methods of manipulating you for the purpose of establishing power over
you. The following are some of the forms of verbal abuse the author helps
you recognize.
1. Withholding: a purposeful, silent
treatment.
2. Countering: a countering of your ideas, feelings,
and perceptions, even going so far as to refute what he misconstrues you to
have said.
3. Discounting--a putdown of you or something you
hold dear.
4. Blocking and diverting--this is a sneaky, covert
way of violating your dignity.
5. Accusation and blame:
generally involves lies about the partner's intentions, attitudes, and
motives. The author states that accusation and blame is present in all
verbally abusive relationships.
6. Judging and criticizing: lies
about your personal qualities and performance.
7. Trivializing
and undermining: abusive behavior which makes light of your work, your
efforts, your interests, or your concerns. The abuser attempts to dilute
meaning and value in your life. Undermining might occur when your partner
laughs at you, for example, when you burn yourself cooking. It is also
jokes at your expense. Undermining is occurring when you feel a "so-called
joke" is mean rather than funny.
8. Name calling: no one has a
right to call you degrading names. Name calling is verbal abuse.
9. Ordering: Telling you to do something, rather than asking, or making
decisions for you or for the two of you without your input.
10.
Forgetting and denial: the trickiest form of denial is forgetting. Become
aware that forgetting is a form of denial that shifts all responsibility
from the abuser to some "weakness of mind."
11. Abusive anger:
this seems to be closely linked to the need to "blow up," to dominate, to
control, to go one up, and to put down. Any time you are snapped at or
yelled at, you are being abused.
12. Threatening: Physical
threats and sexual threats aside, verbal threats are an effort at
manipulation. For example, a threat to leave, stay out all night, or take
you home immediately is a manipulation for power. The threat of "pending
disaster" is designed to shatter the partner's serenity as well as her
boundaries.
If you counter the abuser or attempt to explain
yourself, you will probably be met with such statements as, "You're going
into one of your tirades again," or "You're much too sensitive," or "You're
just trying to start a fight" or "You don't have a sense of humor."
If you are in a brand-new relationship and see warning signs of
verbal abuse, the author suggests you might be wise to let the relationship
go. It is not likely that a man (woman) who needs to dominate and control
will change easily, if at all.
It is also likely that when the
newness of the relationship wears off, he will become more abusive. Verbal
abuse can become physical in time and physical abuse is always preceded by
verbal abuse, according to Evans"
Forum 
Scotland 
England and Wales 
