If seperated but living in same house- & I move

Hi there i was wondering whether any one can help.
My wife has decided to end the marriage, as of Last week , refuses to go to Relate,says there is NO POINT..
& has been advised accordingly;

The only way for 'Us' to afford the sepperation is for me to move out, once moved out she will be entitled to lots of benefits that ( according to the CA will cover the costs of running the house..
Details:
House mortgage-£1500 pm
House utilities £100pm
CT £160pm
Other house hold bills £300 pm
,,,
A joint loan of £280 pm For next 5 years
Family car (in my name £300pm) for next 2 years
Credit cared pm £80 ( A consolidated amount after wife racking up lots of debt).
...
2 x children 4yrs & 2yrs
...
My position:
Salary £50kpa
Wife Salary £150 pm
......
My offer:
Legally Sepperate with a drafted order. But due to the following I wish to remain in the MH:
1) Financially we cant do it
2) Emotionally Im not ready ( nor I think would be our children)
3) Me up n leaving would hurt the children as they already ask me every morning when I say im off to work.."Are you coming back"which of I DO.... ;o)

Therefore I suggest to remain in the house for the "2 years time ­frame­" or a reasonable time . remain civil, polite etc, equally share childcare, Pay ALL the house hold bills let her keep her wages & her CTR & CB from the gov ( £200 pm)
Take time & advice & help as to how to get through this as cheaply & painlessly as possible..

History:
No violence, drugs, abuse, on either side
No affairs on either side
just " she doesn't want to be married any more n doesn't love me".

Wife says:
That I should see a solicitor - theres NO NEED...
That she has sorted it all out..
& that if we avoid the courts we can get divorced in a matter of a few months..

Confused??? Join the Club. ;O(

Hi, i am the wife that was left and have just been through what you are going through (still am)

I tried claiming benefits when he was still here - no good - unless you have a massive house and can prove you are managing your OWN finances, washing, cooking shopping and so on. They want you to have seperate bank accounts. if you pay all the bills she will at best be entitled to child tax credit whilst you are under same roof and child benefit of course. she wont get anything else, ie. income support as you are providing for her.

if you move out she will be entitled to Income support, council tax benefit, child tax credit and child benefit. They may pay your mortgage but only the amount you originally purchased the house and extensions etc, so if like us you remortgaged clear debts they will not pay them. You have to wait 13 weeks for help and it isinterest only not capital so you still have to find some way to pay off the capital.

hope this all makes sense.

Thanks startinagin...
sorry for your loss too & thanks for that... So what my wife is saying is partially true.. but heres the thing.. I dont actually want to move out.. n even if i did iw ould still pay the mortgage as the house is in joint names & eventually when we sell I want half back..

I dont see why she would rather I left. walked away from all my responcibiliteis just so that she could become alot poorer?

wow just what i think! stand ground if you walk out she gets all paid as i see it just like mine is after me out NO WAY!

Hi

I am going through all of this right now and am trying to do things fairly even though it is not deserved.

My husband is still in the home. He is meant to be moving out. He has been very mentally and emotionally abusive and really does not deserve any of the understanding I am showing as he takes advantage of it however for my childrens sake I am trying to do things amicably. If I had no children I would walk and never want anything from him.

If the wife and child carer are on their own and are able to get help it eases the financial burden on the husband so really bitterness about that should not be there as it is important for your child.

It is very difficult to bear children and nd look after them which is a full time job in itself and the hardest job in the world . this load triples with an unsupportive partner. Child rearing is a highly stressfull process that requires equal input from both sides and taking a stance of bitterness about your partner getting help financially is really a very selfish attitude. The childs interests are the most important here and if you do not take care of the mother there is no one to take care of the child. The same applies to father who are the prime carer.

I have contacted various council people about the things mentioned in the above situations.

They said that with my husband OUT of the house as a lone parent with a joint mortgage and a low or zero income with a 15 year old son at home I can claim for the full council tax but I cannot claim any mortgage payments. However because I have an older son in the house with me who works (even though his earnings are not enough to help me) This means I have to pay some council tax(depending on his earnings) I was quoted 300 in council tax.

This is obviously a good thing for my husband as it will reduce his input to my finances.

I am also able to claim
working tax credits as a single person
child tax credits and child benefit.

Contrary to what has been suggested your wife will not be swimming in money however it is a help and will help to ease the burden on the husband who may still be paying those bills as well as his own.

Living in the same house and being civil to each other is a very difficult thing as there are reasons you are divorcing and those reasons are still there as long as you have to remain together. I have had to reamain in that situation since 2004 due to damage done to me in an operation. It has been terrible as my husband sabotages everything I do. He always has done. He leaves a mess everywhere and does not pick up or clean up after himself. He expects me to do the job of an entire office by myself and look after children and clean and clean his mess and somehow manage to earn the salary of a person in full time employment who s able to work in an office with other people doing all of the jobs that I am having to do by myself.

My job requires that I have clean premises aand as a result of his behaviour I am unable to have clients pop in to discuss their needs or Produce my products in that environment. That problem will only go away when he does. I have therefore had to operate in a different way due to this behaviour which seriously reduces my ability to earn much money which of course he is abusive to me about. The mental and emotional trauma affects everyone and really it is better to be poor and happy than financially well off and dying everyday.

I think it is truly better for all around to live seperately unless you are able to operate well together like that. I am divorcing him now as I would rather struggle on my own and have peace of mind and any stress will at least be due to the right reasons and not those of an abusive nature that makes everything else unbearable. You also do not have any privacy and cannot move on with you life as the other partner may resent all of that even when divorced.

I hope that you can all take something from this as really it is not worth the toll it takes on you. I have aged terrible over the last few years from doing that. Life is for living and you only have one life. Don't waste it being bitter or living in a bad situation and try and do what you can to ease finances for each other and move on.

I have just read the last post and nodded my head off. Since June 2010 I have lived with my 'husband' in a separated state.
We put our house up for sale in Sept 2010, but with financial climate as it is it has not sold. Especially due to it being priced too high so as to cover the mortgage and any costs.
I do not want anything from the house as my ex is paying everything. He pays the mortgage, council tax and utilities. I pay for groceries and childminder (I work 3 days a week - we have 2 young children).

In this time he has refused to pay credit cards which are in my name even though they are combined debt and I have had to take on a debt management plan.
He also sold the family car which was in his name and has left me without one - i am not allowed to drive his new little sporty number.

I want to move out, I want to rent privately and claim Housing benefit. BUT i was told that whilst my name is on the mortgage - even though I do not contribute to it - I will only be allowed to claim Housing Benefit for 26 weeks. Presumably whilst the house sells - but it hasn't sold 18 months later - what would happen if I took a chance on this 26 week help, moved me and the kids, got settled and the house was not sold??

I am not dealing well with this living situation, I do everything in the house and although he does some things it is inconsistent so I do it anyway...because I never know if he will. I still cook for him because it is more economical on MY grocery responsibility and although we try to be amicable for our children we are regularly falling out. I feel like he does things to get at me, leaves his phone laying around so i can see messages pouring in from another girl as i walk past... he gets all dressed up to go out and stays out on weeknights so I have to explain to the children where he has gone before school.... it is starting to feel like mental abuse.
We both want to move on but get to a certain point and have to be pulled back because of our living situation. I have received counselling for depression and anxiety but the situation doesn't really allow for me to get any better for very long. It all crashes down again - regularly.

Luckily our kids know nothing, they are used to doing things with us separately but it is still going to be the hardest thing ever to move out. Just the thought of trying to pack the house is enough to send me into a panic attack.

I have to get out. But how? If this 26 week rule is true then i'll move anxiety from this living situation to another as i worry about the clock ticking away and the housing benefit stopping.

ALSO -with a Debt Management Plan am i likely to even be able to rent a place?? will the credit check fail me???

please help - if you even know the answer to one of my questions it would be better than nothing.

Thank you

stuck22, have a read through the link at the bottom of the page, paragraphs 25-27 inclusive.

the house can be disregarded for longer than 26 weeks. you need to be able to show that you are trying to realise your interest in the property (by means of divorce settlement, for example) or are taking reasonable steps to dispose of it by selling, being bought out etc (note you may come unstuck if you aren't doing enough to sell: for example, you mention that the property is priced high so it may be considered reasonable for the price to be lowered).

i know this doesn't give a definite answer to your question but i hope it gives you more of an idea as to how to proceed.

good luck (hugs)

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2006/213/schedule/6/made