Haven''''t blogged for a while. Was signed off work last week and started the ADs, but still not sleeping very well and so have felt exhausted and no interest in doing anything. Back to GP yesterday and have another week off and a few sleeping tabs - am trying the herbal stuff first so they are a last resort. GP was wonderful - was so glad I went and would encourage anyone struggling and thinking ''''I want to do this on my own'''' to go see their GP. Am dreading this weekend, kids off to stay with dad for the first time. Of course I want them to have a nice time but am dreading them

Well that was a hard night. I lay awake just thinking, crying, reflecting and feeling sick. To put things in perspective; as well as being sad over the loss of my marriage, best friend and the life we had together, I acknowledge that he was very unhappy and now he is happy. Maybe a part of the reason I am feeling so bad is that I am jealous? He has the house, the furniture, the friends, my step daughter, a new girlfriend (with children), he is going on holiday with her kids and now has a whole new exciting life which he is embracing with gusto. I allowed him to make me feel so bad

" postman can at last deliver to our house without fear of losing his arm through the mail box !! first lot of court papers have arrived - 6th june 10.30 . . . 14 days after that all being well the house will be mine :-) . . . . good riddance to bad rubbish !!!!!! " its been a very long and unpleasant journey over the past 9 months or so (by the time she is out from the house it will be 10 months - just about!! ) all i need now is the papers from the divorce court and i will be content (for a while at least) ive managed these past few months by doing what i do best - building walls , its