Well that was a hard night. I lay awake just thinking, crying, reflecting and feeling sick. To put things in perspective; as well as being sad over the loss of my marriage, best friend and the life we had together, I acknowledge that he was very unhappy and now he is happy. Maybe a part of the reason I am feeling so bad is that I am jealous? He has the house, the furniture, the friends, my step daughter, a new girlfriend (with children), he is going on holiday with her kids and now has a whole new exciting life which he is embracing with gusto. I allowed him to make me feel so bad

I left at 5 a.m. this morning and spent all day in and out of airports to get to my new destination. The entire time I held onto my phone as if it were my husbands hand. I was wanting him to text me so bad. I broke down crying every time I had the opportunity to turn my phone back on. My father picked me up from the airport and I look around so at a loss because it''s just not home. My home is with him. I love him so much and I feel like i''m never going to be happy without him. My very soul feels like it wants to jump out of my body and fly back to him. I don''t know how i''m going to get

Because of the kids, I see and speak to my stbx on an almost daily basis. I try my best to keep it at arms length so I text him, but then he calls me. (Note to self, dont answer, but it is a pavlovian response after 8 years of marriage) He collects them every morning for school, the kids are thrilled to see them, he is is usual ''easy-going'' (what a lie!) self, looking for all the world to have no cares. We have parents night this week, youngest sons induction and while I am completely committed to doing the right thing for the kids, in other words having us both involved in their lives, not