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Oct 01
2009
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not been on this before, hope it'll help me. having a bad couple of days, went to docs this morning, and have been suggested that i take some counselling, think it might do some good.
it seems that everything i do is wrong. my STBX wife has a list of my faults, very vocal in sharing... But, i have not missed any csa payments, i want to spend time with my boys, i take them on holidays, i'm paying the mortgage on the family home, i've offered her a lump sum to help pay the bills and give her some stability and control. i pick them up when i say i will, despite having the door slammed on my face more than once. i'm trying to finalise the divorce so she know's where she stands and we can both get on with it. i'm happier now than i've ever been, and it seems so is she. i've started to rebuild my relationship with my boys, (over the last year, she let me see twice 'cos she knows how much they mean to me.)
now she has a fella in tow, boys seem to like him so thats ok, she is happier than she's been in ages. a really good thing 'cos we were both miserable. always the pretence of a perfect marriage... we split 18 months ago, mutual choice, no affairs, no violence.
so why does she want to control me still? what am i missing?
i've always provided, had two jobs (90+ hours per week), still providing even though we're divorcing (nisi obtained, not allowed to get absolute 'cos she won't agree to anything other than EVERYTHING!) i was very sad to read some of the sad stories from some of the ladies on this site, (i can't believe that a someone who would class themselves as a man would act in such a despicable way, but i'm told i'm naive.)
Why does she still make things difficult?
i know this sounds a little bewildered. maybe i'll post some more.
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dom1
said:
| October 01, 2009 | ||
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she wants her cake and eat it,you sound like a good guy you could do alot better be strong |
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Itgetsbetter
said:
| October 01, 2009 | ||
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If she is so vocal about what she sees as your thoughts then she probably has issues...... Whether you will ever get to the bottom of them is another matter. I found posting on here really helped me get my head straight. All the best S |
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Lucretia
said:
| October 01, 2009 | ||
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Hi male38. I agree with itgetsbetter - your STBx is obviously angry about something still.  |
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itma
said:
| October 01, 2009 | ||
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It's not about you. It never is. You could give her a five pound note and she would complain because it was creased. Stop worrying about what she'll find fault with next, just recognise that she'll find something. Then smile when it happens, say nothing and walk away/move on. After a while you won't hear it anymore, either 'cos she'll stop or 'cos you will become immune to it. Honest. | |
julesm
said:
| October 01, 2009 | ||
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Hi Male 38 It does sound like your STBX has issues that need resolving, but dont let her get to you. If you can just ignore her when she complains or finds fault. She is doing to get at you and the best thing is to walk away. You ask "Why does she still make things difficult". She does, because she can. Its really that simple. My ex still wants to control me even though we have been separated a year now. The things he used to do and say used to make me angry, now I no longer care, and you will get to that stage in time. Best Wishes Jules |
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