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Dec 31
2007
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Goodbye To The Worst Year Of My LifePosted by scottishlady in moving on, happiness |
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Goodbye 2007... boy, will I be glad to see the back of this year!!!!!
Never, in my wildest imagination did I think that this year would bring me such heartache... sorrow.... sadness.... confusion.... anger....
Now...I don't consider myself the brightest person in the world.... nor, do I consider myself the most stupid.... I'm an average, reasonably intelligent, reasonably articulate sort of person....
I thought I was happily married to a man I dearly loved.... and, strangely, I thought he was of the same mind....
We had been together over 20 years.... married for 17 of those.... we were 'comfortable' in our lives.... our lifestyle was good... we were beginning to enjoy the benefits of years of working hard, to buy our home, and raise our daughter....
20th July 2007..... a date I will NEVER forget..... he just disappeared from my life.... no explanation, no discussion..... nothing!!!
The range of emotions Ihave gone through has been varied, to say the least.... disbelief....confusion.... upset.... to name but a few....
Anyway... it turns out that we were not as happy as I thought.... at least, he wasn't..... because he had been having an affair.... as I eventually found out....
Now, as well as having to come to terms with that, which was difficult enough, I also had to come to terms with the fact that he had also taken our life savings with him....and has done his utmost to ensure that we also struggle financially...
It is now just over 5 months later..... and the new year is nearly upon us..... I wonder what this year will bring.....
I am sure it will bring lots of legal wranglings..... and I am also sure it will bring more emotional turmoil....
I will see my STBX on 4th Feb when we have to attend the 'first appointment' at court.... and I am quite sure I will conduct myself with dignity... but, I am also aware, that, since this will be the first time I have actually seen him since he left, I will undoubtedly, feel emotions that have begun to 'settle'.... this, I am absolutely terrified of....
I don't want to feel the way I did 5 months ago..... I don't want to cry buckets of tears again....
I know it is something I must 'deal' with.... and I will.... but, never the less, it is not something I am relishing the thought of....
So, as I bid goodbye to 2007.... and welcome 2008... I ask myself... am I stupid?.... Why did I not realise that things were 'wrong' between us... why did I not see the signs of his affair.... they always say there are signs don't they?
I wonder where I will be at the end of this year.... at some point the house will have to be sold.... where will I go? back to Scotland?.... stay in this godforsaken place?....
So many unknowns to come I think.....
At the beginning of 2007, I would never have imagined that by the end of the year I would be a person 'getting divorced'..... funny what can happen in a year
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ChrisM
said:
| December 31, 2007 | ||
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Hi scottishlady. I remember when you 1st came onto this site and you seemed to have faired well. You seem to have a head on your shoulders and seem to be in control. Seem is a funny word. There are many of us on here in the same situation. Your date is the 20th July. Mine is 7th May 2006. I am about a year ahead of you. I can tell you that it does get easier as time goes by. I am at the end of my divorce and you are at the start. You mention signs. There are signs. There were for me. But there wasnt a hang on a minute moment. Chris |
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IFIKNEWTHEN
said:
| January 01, 2008 | ||
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Karen, we started our divorce journeys days apart and have both faced the heartache. I wish I could say that I haven't seen my x2b since he left the house on 26th July 2007, but alas I have seen him far to often for my liking and not always amicable on his part. My first appointment at court is a week after yours, so again parts of our journey are ever so similar. We all have different battles to fight (but I don't see it as winning or losing but as getting the right and best outcome for my children) and I believe it will be a battle all the way to the very end. I hope that your court date is productive and that all the paperwork has been made available by your x2b and that the financial side can move forward. I am not sure whether you have said previously but have you got your Nisi yet? All the best Karen, here's hoping that 2008 has more positives than negatives for you, and this time next year you will be able to look back and say; although sad, that chapter of your life has been brought to a conclusion. Take Care in 2008 x Sarah | |
Sicilia
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| January 02, 2008 | ||
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I just had to respond after seeing your message - for me 11th May was my terrible day, when I got a phone call from my husband telling me that he had moved out (I hadn't noticed!) He had come back to the house during the day and packed a suitcase. I was so angry with him but thought we would talk soon and sort out the problem and I would try to make him happy. But little did I know that he planned never to see me again! He never came back for his other things and I have only seen him twice on a street corner. We had been married for 21 years and my whole world fell apart. He was not a very affectionate person but I loved him and I thought he loved me, but no, according to him we hadn't been happy for years and it was all inevitable. Soon we will be divorced and I still don't know why he left. At heart I feel it must be another woman as there has been a drip, drip of clues and inconsistencies but he insists not and everytime I question him he cuts off contact. It is making it very slow, difficult and expensive sorting out the finances as he will no longer respond to any form of contact. He has not seen our daughter since May and sent nothing for her at Christmas. That was the final straw really, I really can't believe it of him and now that my hysteria has passed the whole thing seems completely bizarre! I so wish I knew the truth but there is no way he will ever tell me. I wonder if he plans on hiding from our daughter forever or just until the divorce is finalised and he can say, "Well it all happened after the divorce." How did you find out the truth? | |
Sicilia
said:
| January 02, 2008 | ||
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Here are some "signs" I think I should have noticed. At a wedding last year he sat with his back to me engrossed in conversation with another woman for a long time, knowing I knew nobody, when he turned round he said "Alright?" in an irritated voice as if I was the intruder. (I said no!) He didn't wear his ring. (Said it was broken) Wouldn't buy me a ring for Christmas. Very aggressive in his defence of his share of the bedcovers! Got me a Valentines' card (guilt?) Walking up the hill last New Year he was stiff and uncomfortable when I put my arm through his. Went to bed early except when I did! Over obsessive about eating low fat foods and exercising (then claimed he had lost weight because I had made him unhappy!) Bizarre dancing with a different woman at a family wedding. Seen by daughter taking a phone call down by the river. Hiding mobile phone (okay, so I did spot that sign and that was what triggered his vanishment!) |
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fio
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| January 03, 2008 | ||
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Good luck Karen, who knows what 2008 will bring, but be sure it is going to be a damn sight better than 2007, no doubt in my mind. Get the money stuff out the way and live the rest of your life to the full  |
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scottishlady
said:
| January 04, 2008 | ||
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Thankyou all very much for taking the time to comment..... Yes Chris....I remember when I first joined the site... and I was totally at a loss as to which direction I was going in.... you were one of the first people to offer me support and advice...and for that, I thank you.... I have learned SO much from the wonderful people on here..... Sarah.... Thankyou for your words.... and the feeling is very mutual....I hope we can both get this through this year with some positive things happening for us..... No... my nisis isn't through yet, but my sol is hoping that it will be before the 'first appointment'.... fingers crossed... Sicilia.... our stories, are again somewhat similar.... I will also have to lose my home... and there was no word from him for our daughter over christmas either.... I found out about his affair because the silly old sod didn't redirect his mail (still hasn't)... and his mobile phone bill arrived at the house.... it didn't take a genius to figure it out.... up to 20 calls and texts to the same number daily..... Fio.... nice to hear from you.... hope you're doing okay..... yes, I intend to 'deal with' this money stuff.... but, as he seems to be playing 'funny buggers' about it all, it will probably take longer than it really should..... hey ho, just another obstacle to overcome I suppose.... Kindest regards to you all SL  |
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Sicilia
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| January 05, 2008 | ||
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Hi SL, I didn't think sane intelligent middle class people ended their marriages in that way, but clearly I was wrong! I don't know about you but I am constantly haunted by the fact that the person I loved and married all those years ago and who treated me as if I was really someone special has now made me feel so worthless and low. The fact that he has now cut me completely out of his life hurts so much. If he had just said, look I'm not happy I want a new life but I will phone you once a week, I could have coped but the complete disappearnce was horrendous. He expects sympathy for his plight in living in a one bed flat but his refusal to speak to me is really dragging things out. Still, I'm not complaining as I'm beginning to quite like being here on my own with my daughter. I'm not in any hurry to be thrown out on the streets. The New Year has come at just the right time for me as I'm feeling much stronger and ready to start enjying life again. Good luck. |
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megan
said:
| January 27, 2008 | ||
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Oh it could have been my story except mine was 22 Nov so a fair way behind you. Lies found phone bill affair money treating adult children like dirt. WHY do they do it. Its one thing to go, but why all the other stuff, they should be happy but seems they aren't. |
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