Well my son is off to uni tomorrow it's 4.30am, can't sleep, dreading it so much, letting go is so hard for me....My boy is such a gentlemen a lovely young man so kind so caring, he is half my rock, so I am sitting here crying not knowing what to do...He has helped me so much through everything, my daughter too ,she is the other half of my rock..We are like the 3 musketeers I just love it when all 3 of us are together ...I know we can go and visit him and visa versa but its still hard...looking to the left of me is all is stuff packed ready to go...tears streaming down my eyes, its so damn

Whether I am divorced or not. I am still me.

Even though my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed

I am still me

With all that I have done and all that has been done to me

I am still me

With all my faults and my failures

With all my achievements and my successes

I am still me

No one can change that

No one can take away the little girl that needs to love and be loved

No one can cast aside the mature woman that needs to be cherished

No one can make my future but me

One day, I am going to look back and say to myself "Wow that was a tough ride, but I came through it in the end".

One day

The day before HER weekly visit, I get a letter from my bank.  The four-weekly maintenance cheque she gave me has been returned unpaid and they are writing to let me know they are "re-presenting the cheque".

No sweat, I can wait.  It's not like her payment is anything life changing.  Ten pounds per child, per week (that's for each child under eighteen years old - doesn't take into consideration the eldest for whom she doesn't pay, or the second eldest that she will not be paying for, come November). 

Strangely my bank balance is at a better situation than in all the time I was married to her -