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Apr 01
2008
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Lost.Totally lost after feeling totally abused and having that time to think about things since he left December 06. Frightened,confused, and how could I have lived with a man I didn't really know. Maybe my recovery is to begin to believe he wasn't the person I thought he was. And not to make excuses anymore. Am starting to believe in myself again and recognise the person I was before I met him. But it's shattered dreams and I wonder is he really happy where he is now. Can't be if running up bills of 17k on having a good time. Too superficial .He has not returned to work but on sick leave. But living it up.Struggling here but determined to carry on once divorce over if only for my son.Big upset to see form E and his activities specially blaming me for the debt he has on credit cards due to me as he paid some bills up to July last year! He got refunds any way and having a very jolly life. Everyday for him is a holiday! Hurtful to hear him say depressed due to the breakdown of his marriage. Hell who went off with someone else.Like everyone on this site trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel where ever that might be.
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Elizabeth
said:
| April 02, 2008 | ||
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Hi Anuska, Well, I think I know how you feel... I am 3 years on and I think I am still "in love" with the memories of our once happy marriage... my ex also got heavily in debt after he left, we were living on a very low income after his redundancy for 3 years - asked him to get a stable job - he said "under duress" wanted to be a full time artist (he was playing at it - riding around on his motorbike with a mate whilst I was working and holding us together as a family (2 growing children/mortgage) - found him a job he liked (driving) and he took off! - lived the high life - fancy holidays etc etc spent all his money, racked up huge legal bills and then blamed me for that! I still blame myself for "nagging" him to get a "proper" job - he said if I didn't support him in his "dream" to be a full time artist then it was "goodbye my love". He is now with someone else having devastated the children's lives - I wonder if he says the same to her? I was with him for 20 years - can't believe how he turned from a lover to a cold, callous, heartless man who checked out of our marriage like he was checking out of an hotel... how do I "move on?" Don't like that expression! I can't move on because I can't imagine being with anyone else and it hurts like hell with the children being separated too... what will they think of me if I met someone else? I don't know if my sharing my experience helps you or if you can relate to any of it, but keep on this site.  |
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Donnylass
said:
| April 02, 2008 | ||
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Elizabeth, I think your ex and my stbx are twins!! It's quite amazing how so many people have such similar experiences. Here's hoping we are all as successful in getting thru these tough times.  |
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Anuska
said:
| April 02, 2008 | ||
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Hi Elizabeth. Thank you for you comment. I can relate to some of what you said. My husband did struggle when he changed companies. Some of it was out of his control. But some was. He had to take yearly exams and when they were coming up he seemed not to take an interest to study. He would sometimes have to resit them 3 times which I think was putting his job in jeopardy. After 16 years you would have thought he knew he would have to do some reading for 3 weeks in a year to pass them in one go. I did nag at him once. Also I rang him on the mobile once and said he'd be home soon. He was only 5 miles away. Two hours later he was still not home. He said was caught in traffic because of an accident. Strange noise while speaking to him. It turned out he was coming back from Bristol on the motorway(i live in Kent) to sit the exams and I had no idea of this.He probably didn't want to tell me incase I had said "why aren't you studying." Sometimes I felt as if I had "two" small boys in the house. I too feel in love with the happy times we had. And still find it hard it's ended. During the bad times I thought things would get better. You do wonder how they can become like that and move on so easily. I can also relate to the life they seem to lead once they're gone. This utterly shocked me when I found out.I try and concentrate on the bad times than the good times as otherwise the pain is unbearable. But it's hard sometimes. I also feel children can be the victims and that makes things worse as you feel it's not just you who's been hurt but them. You never want your child/children to grow up with parents who are apart. I know the pain will ease eventually. I don't want to adapt to circumstances and be a victim but to move on to better things. But am not surprised that you say you are still in love with the happy memories of your marriage. I am too. I wonder if that love ever goes away. But as long as we can try and look forward to a new life and love that life too.Anna |
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April Baby
said:
| August 27, 2008 | ||
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I can empathise with you totally. Isn't it strange how you think you are so alone in your situation and then someone writes something and you think - maybe you're not so alone in your experience and hurt as you thought you were. My ex decided he wanted to do something he loved, so he jacked his job in, how sensible is that!!! No mortgage payments for months. ME I work, every day I get up and go to work, I wont give in. But maybe thats my failiing, I play by the rules, do what is expected. Its very easy, but then I think, why shouldn't I just jack it all in, do what he does, sit around waiting for everyone else to pay up and go down the pub again til 5am to drown my sorrows. What a life, nothing like being an ostrich is there. Ignore the bills, say good bye to common sense, live life like a king in his new clothes and let everyone tell you how much fun you are. What a load of BULL!! Sometimes, trying to put the frustration into words is the problem - I lose my words sometimes, an inability to make sense, so I look on here to find someone who knows how I feel - looks like I found you and you've inspired me. How do we get through this minefield of emotion and legal jargon and we're supposed to pull ourselves together, 1000's of people do this every year - well, congratulations!!! I don't like rollercoasters and I can't wait for this to be over. I have good days and bad days. So Anna, we're in this big pot of molasses too. How can I be so angry and so sad at the same time? |
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